spent

I've set a trap for myself in this role that I play.
I have to get out before it's too late.
I'm going fucking insane.

I need to tend to my own wounds.
I've got a few scars that are splitting again.




I am so weak.
I crave comfort and relief, a friend or a savior.
If I can't have a real God, I know I'll just create one.
so desperate, so stupid, so hopeless, so unsatisfied.




How long, Oh Lord?
Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?

save farris

I've been praying for a sign.
I keep over analyzing everything.
One dollar bills, youth groups, brochures, absence, flickering lights, underlined words, lyrics, shapes, dreams, friendships.
postcards?

God, I am so selfish to keep asking. I hope you aren't getting tired. I keep getting little things that make me think you are trying to find me. Am I not trying hard enough to find you?

It is so stupid, but the message on this postsecret hit me.
Then I noticed my name.

God, do you exist? Are you trying to send me a sign?
I know you can't storm down here and part a sea. You can't send your son again just to prove yourself to me. How far will you go to get my attention? How important am I?

I feel like a stupid little girl whenever I talk about you.
I feel like time is running out. Send me something or someone soon.

Please, God, fix this.
It's been too long.

I am disgusted by my disbelief.
I am disgusted that I feel You should be worrying about me.
There is so much work to be done, God.
I'm sorry.


why are you scared to dream of God
when it's salvation that you want?

God, where have you been?

i wish i could talk about religion with people, face to face, but i don't have the courage. i just want someone to talk to me.

i find my lack of faith disgusting, but it is not a disease.
'Father, where have you been?'

it's been three years.
'Child, where have you been?'

reach out.
those lions are coming.
















they should deliver all my blessings
in small brown paper handbags near the porch
i wished i'd known that you were bleeding
while i sat and watched you reading with the Lord
-where have you been?;; manchester orchestra