my barbaric YAWP

i really love walt whitman.
i wish the words that i write had half the life that his do.






"I CELEBRATE myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

I loafe and invite my soul,
I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.

My tongue, every atom of my blood, form'd from this soil, this air,
Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their parents the same,
I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin,
Hoping to cease not till death.

Creeds and schools in abeyance,
Retiring back a while sufficed at what they are, but never forgotten,
I harbor for good or bad,
I permit to speak at every hazard,
Nature without check with original energy. "
-Song of Myself; 1

california

as usual, i'm facing a miserable low after the greatest high i have ever experienced. i feel like i'm being ridiculus, and i probably am, but i just can't stand it. the four months leading up to january 26th were amazing. i've met so many people i will never forget and i learned more than i ever expected. it was always in the back of my mind that it would have to end somewhere - i just didn't know it would be so sudden. something that big would deserve a greater send off in my mind...

although i guess it was the greatest send off imaginable. we won. all of our hard work paid off, as we knew it would. the sleepless nights, hours of phonebanking, days of volunteer training all culminating in one amazing night. the victory speech will always stand out as a singular moment in my mind - all those people celebrating the same thing, tied together by just one thing - their desire for change.

and i know this experience has changed my life forever. no longer to i want to compromise my ambitions - i know what i will do and i know it will be more fullfilling than anything i could have dreamed of doing before. i've discovered i'm happiest working as many hours as possible for something i'm passionate about.

i'm so afraid that i won't be able to rally SFBO and it will fall apart just because the primaries here are over. there's still so much we can do. i know that i can keep us together though, if i invest my all energy into it. i felt lost when betsy left - she has had such a heavy hand in my small group. now i know this is about what we can do, betsy was a huge asset, but it was not her group. it ours. Lexington High School's. we will continue the group and we will be ready when obama gets the nomination and his organizers return to SC. we'll be here waiting.

as much as i miss all the people that left, it keeps me sane to know that they are going to get others FIRED UP and that they will be back soon. i can't wait until that day.







you know just the right thing to say when the
distance rips us farther and farther and farther away
i'll see you soon, if you're coming back this way again.
come back from California,
all of us here in Florida are starved for your attention.
-california;; copeland

land locked blues

i'm at an interesting crossroads in my life.
i feel as if i need to decide right now what i wish to pursue.
i'm a driven and an impatient person - i can't stand to be in limbo.
i feel torn between passions and combining them would be compromising.

i hate the concept that God will lead me to where i need to be. how lazy? how stupid? to rely on someone who may not exist to take charge of your life. i can't drift any longer and hope to be guided into my niche. i need to take charge of my life, both my successes and my failures will be mine.





& the world’s got me dizzy again
you think after 22 years i’d be used to the spin
& it only feels worse when i stay in one place
so i’m always pacing around or walking away
i keep drinking the ink from my pen
& i’m balancing history books up on my head
but it all boils down to one quotable phrase
if you love something, give it away
- land locked blues;; bright eyes

thought, word and deed...

okay, so i just got a blog. it's past 1:00am, people are not answering their phones, which is normal for this time i guess. i feel like writing, but then again i don't, so i'm going to retire.