i dreamed of a fever

I think the switch might have flipped. For the past few weeks, whenever I think about god I feel nothing. I doubt I have the slightest bit of faith left. More and more, I think I may be atheist - I never expected this would be a possibility for me. I'll pray though. Proverbs 8:17


I need to warm up. I'm freezing here.
Lexington feels so cold. I can't wait to get out of here.
I just want to be surrounded by the people that I care about.



so if there is a perfect spring that’s waiting somewhere
just take me there and lie to me and say it’s going to be all right
it's going to be all right, yeah, you worry too much, kid
it's going to be all right

change can happen

i can't believe i was able to see Obama become President-Elect.
now the work truly begins,
let's go change the world.

fox and lion

i am so tired.
i don't feel the need to justify myself anymore.

my works speak loudly enough, my service has spoken for me -
i know there is more to do, i haven't done enough, but i feel as if i don't need to justify myself to anyone except God. my beliefs stand as they are. i am of the minority here, and i feel as if every new day is an inquisition. why should i explain myself to those that have done nothing except borrow their mother and father's rhetoric?

i want to win this election, rejoice, and then do more work.
no more talking, no more poetry.
it's time for prose.


this is a time for action.



"The innovator makes enemies of all who prospered under the old order, and only lukewarm support is forthcoming from those who would prosper under the new. [...] all armed prophets have conquered, and unarmed prophets have come to grief." - Machiavelli

my mistake was in refusing to bear arms.

He is able

'God is able to deliver us from this blazing, fiery furnace.'

i am so half-hearted in my attempts to seek him.
if i ever find him, i will hold on.
i won't ever slip again.

no one will shake me.

i don't think I'll ever be able to understand the concept of love or friendship because my view is so one sided. do i give because i fear there's no other use for me? or do i not let others in because I'm afraid of what they'll discover? i can't imagine why i should be any one's priority.


I've forgotten what it's like to be close.
i don't want to fuck anything else up.
i just don't want to be alone.

by faith

Romans 1:17
"The righteous will live by faith."

will You call me Your daughter?
will You turn me away?

Would the righteous still remain?

after all this time, i'm no closer to finding You.

Psalm 119:50

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.