you can't go back now

well, this happened quickly. I've got two jobs now - one at Antonina's and one at Jan's catering company. I've applied for a State Leadership position with Students for Barack Obama. I'm learning to drive, finally. I've got a pretty big event in the works for SFBO - and we have some new members! i have to meet with Gomez soon and figure out the specifics of my schedule for the 4th. i am absolutely ecstatic, there is no place I'd rather be. i can feel it again.



the undertow is playfully pulling at my feet, the waves are lapping at my ankles. the allure of a chaotic campaign season, i can't resist it. my feet are wet, but i crave more. I'll wade out into deeper waters only to be tossed around by the waves. I'll succumb to the riptide and let it pull me out further, realizing that if i fight it I'll drown. the tide will go out, and I'll see my peers on the shore. this is will be the farthest I've gone, but i know that when its over the tide will come in and place me gently alongside my more timid companions. I'll be battered, exhausted, and entirely spent, but I'll be smiling.



















i can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else

but in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself

-can't go back now;; the weepies

Lord, give me a chance to shake that hand

i cannot fathom this general election without Tim Russert, his death is a huge loss to the world of journalism, politics, humanitarian efforts, and the American public as a whole. I can't even explain the loss i feel. i can't imagine a Sunday without Tim. i can't imagine him not being there to grill candidates. i can't imagine him not being there to cut closer to the truth than any other journalist.

America, and the world, are suffering tonight. i have no doubts that the outcome of this election is going to be greatly impacted by this tremendous loss.

his enthusiasm and love for politics were clear. it is a shame that he won't be here to discuss this historic campaign, but i have no doubt that he's watching intently.



i do have something to look forward to in the face of this heartache. that stupid thing i did, where i passed up an amazing opportunity, God is granting me the chance to make it up. Now, if he'll just grant me the strength. i hope i can pull this off, its going to take a miracle - but isn't that the point of what i'm doing? i hope.




get up, get up, turn on ignition
get up, get up, fire up the system
play my little part in something big
i'll accept with poise, with grace
when they draw my name from the lottery
& they'll say 'all the salt in the world couldn't melt that ice'
i'm the one who gets away
i'm a New Jersey success-story
& they'll say 'Lord, give me a chance to shake that hand'

chutes too narrow

i can't believe i did this. i can't believe i passed up an amazing experience doing something i love, something that makes a difference, something i want to do for the rest of my life. what is wrong with me?

i hate when i let simple insecurity get in the way of something great. i don't understand why i hold back so much. why am i so afraid of getting too far ahead? it can't possibly be natural. i find it impossible to step onto the stage and set myself apart from them. its going to be the reason for my mediocrity. i don't understand why i give myself limits.

i am so stupid.

i pray that something becomes of the horrible mess, and although i've missed the deadline - maybe something local will crop up and i'll still have an amazing opportunity. until then, i'm going to be kicking myself.

in other news, i give in and give up to Him. i'm surrendering my skeptic nature for a brief time. i'm working to read my bible again, i hope that i can gather enough of a support system within myself and among my friends so that i can make it through this. its difficult, but i want it so badly. i've put myself in a living hell for over three years now, i've barred myself from God's love. i'm ready for this to be over. i am so weak without Him.















Of course I was raised to
Gather courage from those
Lofty tales so tried and true, but
If you're able I'd suggest it, 'cause this
Modern thought can get the best of you

This rather simple epitaph
Can save your hide, your falling mind
Fate isn't what we're up against
There's no design, no flaws to find

But I learned fast how to
Keep my head up, 'cause I
Know I've got this side of me that
Wants to grab the yoke from the pilot
And just fly the whole mess into the sea
-Young Pilgrims;; The Shins

our time.

the moment i was waiting and working for.

today, Barack Obama became the presumptive Democratic nominee. what an absolutely beautiful day in American history.

i am so proud to say i have been a part of this campaign and that i will continue to work for Senator Obama. i can't wait until i'm stuffed in a small office, cramped with other volunteers, tallying phone calls. i can't wait to gulp down water after a long day of canvassing and visibility. i can't wait until i've strained my eyes in the bright light of a computer screen, entering data into the voter network. i can't wait to live off of redbull and rally chants. i can't to work for my country again. i can't wait until i'm part of something great again.

i welcome general election campaign for Senator Barack Obama's presidency back to South Carolina. it was sorely missed.



"In our country, I have found that this cooperation happens not because we agree on everything, but because behind all the labels and false divisions and categories that define us; beyond all the petty bickering and point-scoring in Washington, Americans are a decent, generous, compassionate people, united by common challenges and common hopes. And every so often, there are moments which call on that fundamental goodness to make this country great again.

So it was for that band of patriots who declared in a Philadelphia hall the formation of a more perfect union; and for all those who gave on the fields of Gettysburg and Antietam their last full measure of devotion to save that same union.

So it was for the Greatest Generation that conquered fear itself, and liberated a continent from tyranny, and made this country home to untold opportunity and prosperity.

So it was for the workers who stood out on the picket lines; the women who shattered glass ceilings; the children who braved a Selma bridge for freedom's cause.

So it has been for every generation that faced down the greatest challenges and the most improbable odds to leave their children a world that's better, and kinder, and more just.

And so it must be for us.

America, this is our moment. This is our time. Our time to turn the page on the policies of the past. Our time to bring new energy and new ideas to the challenges we face. Our time to offer a new direction for the country we love.

The journey will be difficult. The road will be long. I face this challenge with profound humility, and knowledge of my own limitations. But I also face it with limitless faith in the capacity of the American people. Because if we are willing to work for it, and fight for it, and believe in it, then I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal; this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth. This was the moment - this was the time - when we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves, and our highest ideals. Thank you, God Bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America."

- Senator Barack Obama
victory speech in St. Paul, Minnesota